


Rendez-vous at Devilwood

by misura



Category: Koko wa Greenwood | Here is Greenwood
Genre: Dialogue Heavy, Here is Devilwood, M/M, Magic, Quests
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-10-14
Updated: 2009-10-14
Packaged: 2018-01-25 08:30:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1641542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[Here is Devilwood] Romance! Intrigue! Really unlikely plot developments! (Well, one out of those three, anyway.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rendez-vous at Devilwood

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Aithine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aithine/gifts).



 

 

 _Once upon a time, in a kingdom far away fom here, four brave heroes set out on a quest._ * 

(* Actually they were one hero, one princess, one husband-to-a-princess and one sort of evil sorceror who'd once been a demon-king and turned a baby-prince into a dumpling. And they weren't really on a quest to save the world or even a kingdom or another princess, no, they were looking for the original body of the evil sorceror. Except that the evil sorceror had buried his body himself, so there wasn't really any need to do much looking. And he wasn't really evil anymore. Maybe.)

_Bravely bearing the hardships of travel -_

"I sure hope we'll find another inn soon."

"One where they'll feed you for free? Unlikely."

"I'm hungry."

"Stop complaining, husband."

_\- never tiring or faltering in their pursuit of their goal -_

"Are we there yet?"

"Stop complaining, husband."

"That tree looks kind of familiar."

"All trees look the same to me."

_\- they at last reached their destination: the Empire of Velcia. Consisting of seven provinces (Velcia, Velcia, Velcia, Velcia, Velcia, Velcia and Velcia) its capital city (Velcia) is a center of trade and commerce. People from all parts of the world come here to buy or sell all kinds of wares._

Of course, 'Velcia' may also refer to a small village in the province of Velcia, somewhat to the south of which is located a grove of trees that would make a perfect hiding place for a sort of evil sorceror's body.

"From here, it's about two more weeks to the capital - less if we can catch a ride."

Or not.

"And if Herb doesn't get us lost again."

"Hey!"

"If we hire out as guards, we might make some money, too."

All right, so our heroes still had some small distance to cover.

"I think that guard was flirting with me. Shall I ask him if they're hiring?"

"We'll walk."

"Aw, are you jealous? That's so cute!"

"Guards flirt with _me_ all the time."

"I'm not the jealous type."

Luckily, the Empire of Velcia keeps its roads in excellent condition, and government officials check regularly to make sure all the roadsigns are still legible and pointing in the right direction.

"We could take the branch to the left - that leads to Velcia."

"The right branch leads to Velcia, too."

"Heading back the way we came apparently means we're going to Velcia as well."

Did I mention that the name 'Velcia' is a very popular one in the Empire?

"It would appear that all roads lead to Velcia."

This is very true.

"I'm hungry."

This is (probably) also true.

"You've been here before, haven't you?"

"I teleported directly to my destination."

A moment of stunned silence, as our heroes digest this statement and spot a glimpse of hope ...

"The spell would require more power than I currently have at my disposal. Don't you think I'd have mentioned something if it had been otherwise?"

Which is quickly crushed.

"I guess so."

"Pity. We should have hired out as guards after all."

"I know you."

"Why, whatever do you mean, Herb?"

_And so their journey continued -_

"Hey, does that spell you used to turn something else into a dumpling require a lot of power, too? I mean, um."

"You're hungry. Again."

"I wouldn't mind eating a nice dumpling."

"Unfortunately, the spell only works on humans. Any volunteers?"

"I volunteer Tino!"

"Princess Chelsea!"

"Just kidding."

 _\- until they at last_ really _reached their destination: Velcia._

"Do you think we could meet Emperor Todo?"

"I'd rather not draw any attention. Maybe some other time."

"There will be another time?"

"Cheer up, my young friend. You've got a whole lifetime of adventures yet ahead of you."

"You say that like it's something I should be _happy_ about."

"Has anyone else noticed people are giving us strange looks?"

"Maybe they recognize Herb. He's famous, isn't he?"

Can the explanation be so simple? So harmless? So ... unlikely to get our heroes into more trouble than they could possibly foresee at this point?

"It's not Herb they're looking at."

Of course not!

"It's you."

"Me?"

"What did you do the last time you were here?"

"Nothing."

"I bet he turned someone into a dumpling or something like that."

Velcia is a civilized place. No laws forbid a newly arrived group of weary travelers to pause a while on the streets of its capital in order to argue.

Al the same, it's not the most advisable course of action.

"If Cool says he didn't do anything, then I believe him."

"You would."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You believe anything he says! It's like you've completely forgotten that he used to be a bad guy!"

"Used to be?"

Note: being evil is a hard habit to break. When traveling with a person who used to be evil, it is recommended to avoid bringing along any young, excitable travel companions, especially ones that have had personal dealings with the formerly evil person.

"I'm sick of it!"

See?

"Should I follow him?"

Before you know it, your formerly evil friend will have caused your young travel companion to walk away in a huff, forcing you to follow him - because who knows how much trouble he'll get himself into if you just let him take off on his own?

"Let's give him some time to cool down. This city seems safe enough."

"Perhaps the three of us could get some lunch."

Ahem. As I said: lots of trouble your young friend might get into if you don't run after him to talk to him.

"Have you forgotten that we don't have any money?"

"I have a Velcian bank-account. Now that we are here, I can easily withdraw some money from it. In fact, I believe that building over there is one of their agencies."

"Great. Lunch it is. Are you coming?"

"You're sure he's going to be okay? I mean, he _is_ my husband."

"I'm sure he'll be just fine."

"Without any money, he probably won't be getting any lunch, though."

"All right then."

/end of part one  
beginning of part two/

Velcia, the capital of Velcia, located in the province of Velcia, is a highly civilized place.

Nonetheless, it's a city. Travelers who pay no attention to the signs that warn them away from walking down certain streets may therefore find themselves held at knife's point to be asked that age-old question:

"Your money or your life?"

And the traveler, who may have bravely fought off bandits on the road, will suddenly realize that he is all alone, in a city he doesn't know.

"Um."

"What? Do you want to die?"

Normally, people wouldn't need to think about the answer to this question.

"Well, no. It's just that ... "

"I can kill you, you know. And then I'd still take your money."

"Are you a girl?"

"You can't tell by looking at me? Are you blind? And what does it matter anyway?"

"I ... it's just weird. Where I come from, girls don't rob people."

"Hah."

"What? It's true! Girls should just ... stay home and do girl-things."

"Why?"

"Because that's how it is."

"Then you come from a place full of idiots. Which makes sense, I guess, considering you're one, too."

"I'm not an idiot!"

"Sure you are. I bet you didn't even notice I just picked your pocket. Not that there was anything worth stealing in them. I'd almost feel bad about robbing you."

"I ... that's not fair! How can I fight you when you're a girl?"

"Why should I feel bad about that? It's not my problem."

A note on people who make a living robbing other people: as a rule, whining, begging or pleading earnestly won't work on them. If it did, they wouldn't be able to make their living the way they do.

"But I'm hungry! How am I going to buy anything to eat without any money?"

Perhaps get a job washing dishes?

"Don't look at me like that!"

"Please. Can't you give me enough money to buy a meal?"

" _I_ am robbing _you_ , not the other way around. Why'd I give you any money?"

"So you're just going to leave me here to starve?"

"Yes, I am. So stop looking at me like that already!"

A sudden burst of inspiration!

"No, I won't. I'm going to keep looking at you just like this until you give me some money."

A new career option for our hero: begging. Less excitement, but alas, less earnings, especially when still in the learning stage and not familiar enough with the territory to properly follow people around.

"Hey! Come back!"

Like a young bird falling out of the nest, our hero has discovered that what _seems_ easy, may in fact be very difficult.

"That's not fair!"

Few things in this world are, grasshopper.

"Why can't I ever meet _normal_ girls?"

... _That_ 's what you're upset about?

"It's always Herb who they're looking at - and he doesn't even _like_ girls."

But ... but you're married! To a princess! You shouldn't have any interest in other girls.

"Princess Chelsea is _not_ a girl."

Let's see how our other heroes are doing, shall we?

"Hey! What about me? I'm still hungry!"

They've probably just finished having lunch ...

*

"Man, that was great!"

"I should hope so. It certainly was expensive."

"You're not bankrupt, are you?"

"Not quite."

"Hah."

"So, where did you hide your body, anyway?"

"I buried it in the gardens of the Imperial palace."

"Are they big?"

"I marked the location. We shouldn't have any trouble finding it."

"Are they open to the general public?"

"Even if they are, I guess we can't really just walk in there and start digging."

"As a matter of fact, only members of the royal family are allowed inside. Trespassers are killed on sight."

"But you have a plan to get inside and out again without anyone noticing us, don't you?"

"I'm afraid not."

"Cool!"

"I'm sure the legendary hero Lemon-Herb wil be able to think of something."

"I think I hate you."

"Then all you need to do now is give up now."

"Never."

"Thank you."

"So, what are we going to do? Maybe if we explain everything to Emperor Todo ... "

"We'll just have to be very careful when we sneak in."

"As far as plans go, that's not the greatest plan I've ever heard."

"Have you got a better one?"

"Not right now."

"Fine. It's settled then. Princess Chelsea will remain outside the walls as a look-out."

"Why me?"

"Because if something goes wrong, you might get an audience with Empror Todo and explain things to him. You're a princess, after all - he might listen to you."

"Oh. All right then."

*

Elsewhere in the city, meanwhile, one of our heroes is still hungry - and likely to remain so for the time being, given that he has no money.

"Where are you taking me?"

However, the girl who intended to rob him appears to have a soft spot for, as she puts it 'idiots'. Provided they look at her in a certain way.

"Some place where you can get something to eat for free."

Our hero is immediately suspicious.

"Thanks."

But chooses to hide it for the moment.

"I'm uh sorry I yelled at you."

And to attempt to make a new friend.

"And for that stuff I said earlier. You know, about girls and ... everything."

Just a friend.

"Why did you come to Velcia, anyway?"

"It's a long story."

Which the readers already know, so we'll leave Tino for now, .

/end of part two  
beginning of part three/

In the center of Velcia, the capital of Velcia, one may find the palace of Velcia. Surrounded by high walls, and guarded by elite soldiers, it's not a place one can enter easily.

"Ouch."

Or leave easily, for that matter - especially not when one has been locked in one of the cells underneah the palace, from which it is said none has ever escaped ... alive. (If this were a movie, there'd be a flash of lighting and the faint echoes of maniacal laughter right here.)

"Tino?"

"Herb? What are you doing here?"

"Well, Cool's body is hidden in the imperial gardens, so I figured the easiest way to get close to it would be to get arrested."

"Really? Getting thrown in a cell was all part of your plan, then? And here I was getting worried."

"What I'm more interested in is: what are _you_ doing here?"

"Um, I met this girl, and er ... where's Princess Chelsea?"

"Don't worry about her - she's safe and sound. Now, out with it. What happened with you and this girl you met? Did you get caught by her husband?"

"What? No!"

"Boyfriend?"

"It was nothing like that!"

"Shouldn't we be thinking about how to get out of here?"

A sensible suggestion from the (formerly) evil sorceror.

"I'm curious."

"What did _you_ get arrested for, anyway?"

"Oh, just public indecency. People are quite prudish in this city - especially when it's two guys doing it."

"W-what?"

"They arrested us for trying to sneak into the imperial gardens."

"Ah."

"I must say: it's certainly an interesting coincidence we all got thrown into the same cell."

Are you complaining?

"Very _convenient_ though."

"Yeah."

I thought so.

"Any chance you can pick the lock?"

"From the inside? Nope."

"So all we need to do is get out of this cell, and then Herb can pick the lock."

"Er."

"Can't you use a spell or something?"

"You could slip out of the cell and bring back the keys. I mean, your current body is just an illusion."

"Even if I'd manage to get out, it's highly unlikely I'd be able to get back in again with the right keys."

"So there's nothing we can do?"

"Just sit back and wait. Something will come along. It always does."

"How can you be so calm about this?"

"Getting all worked up isn't going to do any good."

"There's some food if you're hungry."

"He'd have to be very hungry to want to eat _that_."

"You're sure the Princess is all right?"

"Absolutely."

*

"Tino? Husband?"

Near midnight, and a familiar voice wakes our young hero from his fretful slumber.

"P-princess Chelsea? What are you doing here?"

"What do you _think_ I'm doing here?"

"Hullo, Princess. Nice job on the lock."

"Hi, Herb. Cool. I actually had help with the lock."

"Help? More like _I_ did all the work."

"Y-you!"

An unexpected encounter!

"This wouldn't be that girl you told us about, would it?"

"It would seem highly unlikely."

"Yeah, but have you noticed the way the plot has developed so far?"

Hey!

"They put all three of you in the same cell? Lucky!"

"That's one word for it."

"Well, let's just go get Cool's body and we can get out of here."

"What's this about a body? I just agreed to help you get that idiot out of jail."

"You didn't tell her anything? Maybe the two of you didn't spend a lot of time _talking_ , hm?"

"Oh, she just planned to steal all of his money but then she gave him a meatpie becase he was hungry and she was feeling sorry for him."

"A stolen meatpie, I assume."

"Well, I'm a thief. How was I to know that idiot wouldn't run?"

"I could have told you that much."

"I ... I just think it's _wrong_ to steal things."

"The two of you will certainly have an _interesting_ relationship."

"R-relationship?"

"Which way to the gardens from here? Cool, any idea?"

"Y-you! What's going on here? You said you weren't from around here!"

"We're not."

"You've seen someone looking a lot like me, no doubt."

"Cool?"

"Someone in a position of considerable power, most likely."

"Y-yes. Are you his twin-brother?"

"I'm sorry, Herb, but it seems someone else has found my body and has put it to use. I had assumed the precautions I had taken to prevent such a thing from happening would suffice, but it appears I was wrong."

"But who is it? And how do we get him to give it back?"

"You may need to kill him. As to the who ... ?"

" _Kill_ him?"

"You can't! It's ... he's the Emperor! You're crazy if you think you can kill him!"

"Oh, this is just _great_."

"It's certainly unexpected."

"What would the Emperor of Velcia want with Cool's body though? I mean, doesn't he have a body of his own?"

"Apparently not. That, or he keeps his own body hidden for some reason."

"Or hers."

"Excuse me?"

"It could be a woman, couldn't it?"

"Women aren't allowed to rule the Empire of Velcia."

"Sounds like a great reason to pretend not to be one."

"Wait a second - women aren't allowed to be Emperor, but they _are_ allowed to be thieves?"

"That's perfectly _logical_."

"So we're looking for a woman who's using Cool's body to pretend to be a man so that she can rule Velcia? How are we ever going to find her?"

"Are you quite sure your girlfriend's a thief?"

"W-what?"

"Well, it makes sense, doesn't it? She's the only woman we've actually met here so far. Narrative logic would indicate that therefore, she's actually not a thief at all, but rather the true Emperor of Velcia."

I'll insert a pause here to give you all a moment to think about that statement.

"Am I right?"

Are you?

"It does seem rather far-fetched."

"Kind of like throwing all three of you in the same cell."

Can you shut up about that already?

"I think you're all crazy."

"You're really just a thief?"

"Don't you think I'd know if I weren't?"

"Oh well. It was just an idea."

A stupid idea.

"So what are we going to do now?"

"We wait."

"For what?"

"For the Emperor to come see the prisoner who looks just like him."

"Or her."

"So we came here all for nothing?"

"Well, I think Tino was pretty worried about you."

"Really?"

"Possibly he was merely concerned you'd find out about his girlfriend."

/end of part three  
beginning of part four/

Velcia, the capital of Velcia, the empire which may or may not be ruled by a woman.

Our heroes, sitting in a cell with an unlocked door, waiting for the plot to be unveiled at last.

Who rules Velcia?

Who is using the true body of a (formerly) evil sorceror for his (or her) own, no doubt nefarious purposes?

Whose footsteps are even now approaching the cell our heroes occupy?

"Someone's coming."

"What do we do?"

"For now, I suggest we wait. Whoever's coming seems to be alone and in a hurry, so it's probably just some guard."

"Or it could be someone who wishes to overthrow the emperor and wants us to help him."

"Or it could be the cook bringing us a late-night snack."

"Shouldn't one of us go stand behind the door so that we can - "

" - get smacked in the face as someone slams the door open?"

"Too late."

"Master! Is it really you?"

An unusual greeting.

" _Master_?"

"Oh."

" _Oh_?"

"Ishtrygulpyshickulapilogipiqueran, isn't it?"

"Yes, Master. I took really good care of your body, Master."

"Cool, I'd like an explanation."

"So would I."

"Me, too."

"Wel, it's really quite simple."

Simple?

"This is Ishtrygulpyshickulapilogipiqueran."

"Humans can call me Rick, Master."

"He's a demon I set to guard my body when I buried it here."

"And you made the right choice picking me for the job, Master."

"Apparently, at some point, it was in danger of being destroyed - "

"There was a fire, Master. And lots of people running around with swords, yelling."

"- and so he animated my body in order to keep it safe."

"I also killed some people using magic, Master. They were rude."

"They made you _Emperor_ for that?"

"Well, one of them _was_ wearing a crown. He was _very_ rude. Shouldn't I have killed that one, Master?"

"You did well, Ishtrygulpyshickulapilogipiqueran."

"Thanks, Master."

"So now Cool's going to get his body back, easy as that?"

"Is that what you're here for, Master?"

"Would you mind giving it back to me, Ishtrygulpyshickulapilogipiqueran?"

"Mind? Of course not! I mean, I'm sure it's a very _fine_ body, Master, but I'm a demon. Way I see it, a body's just a lot of trouble. Always needing to remember when to eat, when to sleep - why, I even got a headache a couple of times! Don't see why you humans are so keen on them, Master, if you don't mind me saying so."

"That's quite all right, Ishtrygulpyshickulapilogipiqueran."

"So that's it? Man, I kind of _liked_ that theory about it being a woman."

"I'm sorry to disappoint."

"Well, let's get out of here. I rather like the idea of sleeping in a real bed tonight."

"You really intended to _sleep_ tonight?"

"That's true. I mean, now that Cool's got his body back and all."

"Ishtrygulpyshickulapilogipiqueran, if you are ready?"

"Ready and eager, Master."

The following image was cut to prevent the readers from experiencing any distress.

"I think Tino just fainted."

"What happened to Rick?"

"He's gone home, for now."

"Hey, I've got a question. If we leave now, who's going to rule Velcia?"

"Who said I planned to leave?"

A tense moment.

"Cool."

"Herb. You've been very helpful."

"I didn't help you so you could become the new emperor of Velcia!"

"Why not? Someone has to be emperor, and the people already know my face, thanks to good Ishtrygulpyshickulapilogipiqueran. Tell me, Herb: why shouldn't I rule Velcia? Who would stop me?"

"I would."

"Be sensible, Herb. After all we've been through? I will be a fair ruler, I promise. And you could rule by my side. Why not? I'll be emperor and you could be my - "

"Consort?"

"First and foremost advisor. Although the position of consort is certainly open as well, if you're interested."

"No."

"I'm sorry to hear that. My advisor, then."

"No."

"You can't kill me, Herb."

"I know. But if you really intend to go through with this, you can bet your life that I will try."

"The life at stake would be yours, Herb. You would die."

"I'm willing to take that risk."

"You leave me no choice."

"I know."

"Princess Chelsea, how would you feel about ruling an empire?"

"Huh. Me?"

"Well, it seems Herb won't let _me_ take the job, and you're of royal blood, aren't you? Presumably, that means you know something about how to rule a country."

"Tino'll help. He's pretty smart for such a small guy."

"And, of course, your new friend may be able to give you some advise. I'm not saying it would be easy for you, but I do not believe it would be impossible."

"So the two of you aren't going to try to kill each other or something like that?"

"Not today."

"I'm falling asleep on my feet anyway. Do you know where the nearest bedroom is?"

"Of course. I'll give you a massage, if you want. To help you relax."

"Don't think I need any help doing that."

"Nonetheless."

"Sure, why not? I've missed your massages. Among other things."

"I've missed giving you massages. Among other things."

"Please consider my proposal, Princess Chelsea. I will be looking forwards to hearing your answer in the morning."

"Uh, sure."

/end of part five  
/end of story

 


End file.
